There Are Things Comics Don’t Teach: Happy Blog Against Sexism Day

As I was doing my usual scan of the blogosphere I discovered from Karen Healy’s columnthat it was recently “Blog Against Sexism Day”. And I’m sure that if I one took the time to look you’d find all kinds of well written blogs by a great many women, talking about their experiences surviving, and/or fighting against sexism. This is something that is of tremendous value. However there is sometimes a tendency for people to forget that very few bad things in this world run just one way. This is often the case with sexism.

Reverese Sexism: Putting an old lie where it belongs

From Wikionary: SexismNoun:Unfair treatment or discrimination based on a difference of sex or gender.
Looking upReverse Sexismonly sends you to a search page as your told that there are no exact matches for the term. The reason why is really very simple.

There is no such thing as “reverse sexism”. It’s a term that was coined by someone, somewhere to describe sexism against men. I’ve never liked it as I’ve always found it to have a vaguely dismissive under (and sometimes over)tone. As if it’s almost okay because after all that women have had to overcome why should anyone have to waste their time worrying about the feelings of a few men. I know that’s not how most people mean it when they use the term, but that’s always how it’s made me feel.

There is also an assumption made by some that when sexism denigrates a woman, that any men involved are willing participants. As if by dint of gender all males are presumed to on some level if only subconscious to side with each other.

Being assumed to be a less fit parent than your spouse in a divorce case is sexism.

Having a repair person talk to you even though it was your partner that asked the question is sexism.

Being told that you have no right to complain about your abuse when thousands of women are abused everyday is sexism.

Those are just three over simplified examples. They are all sexism, and they are all wrong.

Anytime that a man starts talking about sexism, there are always a vocal minority that want to shout him down. They will quote statistics, they will belittle, they will get indignant. The assumption made by some is that a man who speaks out against sexism directed at men is either belittling sexism against women, or is just whining.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Most men who have been affected by sexism are usually only truly aware of how wrong it is, because they already know and agree that to judge or act towards anyone based on their gender is wrong. And if it’s wrong to do it to a woman, why shouldn’t it be just as wrong to do it to a man?

We have met the enemy and he is us

The unfortunate truth though is that while there are truly women who would rather bellow at the top of their lungs than listen to a man talk about how sexism has negatively affected him, it is most likely another man, or even more insidious pop culture in general that does the most to try to silence those who would speak out.

Pop culture, be it comic books, TV, or movies, love to show the lone male hero, standing against impossible odds. There’s nothing wrong with that fantasy in moderation. But it’s high time that if we want to not see the past repeat itself that we demand other images to raise our children with. A man who is comfortable working with a woman in a position of authority for one. That image is starting to come into existence but it is still not nearly common enough. The scene I’d love to see in a movie is a male character saying to someone who’s just asked him how they’re going to disarm the nuclear warhead, “I don’t know. Ask her. She’s the bomb disposal expert.” And then indicate the female character that had just been treated dismissively a few minutes earlier.

Also right now I can only think of one example in pop culture where a male character is shown dealing with the after effects of being abused and violated.

When I finally found the courage after two years to leave a relationship that was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive, I found that the places I had looked to in the past for fictional role models suddenly failed me. Except for one.

A great many people know of the show Star Trek: The Next Generation. And many people who know of that show even if they’ve never really watched it, know of the character known as The Borg. One of the best known and best loved episodes from that series deals with Captain Picard being taken by the Borg and made into one of them. The two parter details his former shipmates struggle to stop an enemy that now has all of the captains knowledge. What most people who weren’t regular viewers of the series know, is that there was an episode after that. It showed a recovering Picard going home to visit with his brother. It also in that episode showed Picard breaking down and sobbing in his brothers arms talking about how helpless he felt while he was under the Borg’s control. I found myself crying along with Picard as I thought about all the times I had told myself I was worthless, hoping it would hurt less when this person I thought I loved told me the same thing.

It is getting better though. A little at a time. Just as changing the way women are depicted in pop culture is a long uphill climb so is changing the way men are depicted. Sometimes help in this struggle can come from the most surprising places.

The light at the end of the tunnel isn’t a train, it’s a mouse?

I honestly don’t remember how I ended up watching Disney’s The Little Mermaid. I think I was spending the day with my then girlfriend and her daughter. But I remember being amazed because instead of a one dimensional square jawed “hero type”, the prince seemed as lonely, and confused, and as needing to find someone to love and love him in return as the princess character Ariel. I was kind of amazed. This was something I had not seen before on screen, and in a Disney cartoon of all places. The trend I’m amazed to say has quietly continued. Right up to the present day where in Pixar’s Incredibles, Mr. Incredible admits that he is trying to shut his wife and children out of his life because he fears their being hurt, and he learns that such attitudes lead to nothing good.

And there are other examples as well.

In Welcome To Tranquility by Gail Simone and Neil Googe, male characters of a variety of ages and types follow the lead of the towns female sherriff without a hint of resentment or condescencion. The only exception being a character who is shown from the outset to be a big dumb jerk.

In Groundhog Day, a man who personifies male arrogance is helped to learn that life is about more than just his needs and wants, and that all people have value.

In Stranger Than Fiction, we get to see a man who is very introverted and is brought out of his shell by a free spirited woman who he meets thanks ironically to his job. We also get to see a friendship between two male characters that is thoughtful and tender and unselfconscious.

In Weird Science, the two geek males really just want to find girls who understand them.

In the comic book realm one of the first superheros, Superman, is often shown to be openly interdependent with the people in his life. He realizes that openly needing people does not make one weak.

The road goes ever onward.

The situation for men has gotten and is slowly continuing to get better, just as it has for women. However the battle is far from won, and the war is far from over. Every moment of every day men must be ready to battle sexism. By speaking out against it when it is directed at women. By speaking out against it when it is directed at them. Even when it is “positive” sexism, (ie, an assumption of capability based solely on gender) we must speak out against it.

The world wide web can be a wonderful tool to help with that. It allows us to support each other in this struggle and to help highlight those things both positive and negative that are happening that impact this struggle.

In the end, until all of us are free and equal none of us are.

Peace
And
Long
Life

Toriach